last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
