so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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