just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
