Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
