If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
