This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
