Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i wish my penis had a tongue
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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