Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Walk of Shame today included voting.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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