the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
