No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
