I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
