You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
