the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
