So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
this just has baby written all over it
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
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Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
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You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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