sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
