had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
