I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
