i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
