I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
