Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
