theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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