I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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