she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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