im having a threesome with these popsicles
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
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He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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