girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
