I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
