i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
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Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
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When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths