Me too!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
