So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom