I think i sorta joined a cult last night
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea