ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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