make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.