Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.