we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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