Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Define "chronic" masturbator.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
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I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
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The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.