You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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