why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
