SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
