1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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