Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
