If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
