Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
