smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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