so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
