wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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