She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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