I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
