ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
