it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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