he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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