So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
