I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
