i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
