We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
