people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
