My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just pee around me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
