in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.