My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
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He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.