he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!