My room smells like vodka and shame
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Is Oprah even human
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.