i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I got inside last night via doggy door
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
