I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
