I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.