awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
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Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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