Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
