I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Enjoy the penises
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
