I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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