The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I hope mine doesn't look like that
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
