problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
