guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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