you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
