Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
