Me too!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
