OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
