my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
