My sheets look like a crime scene.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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