If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
