So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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