I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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