I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
