He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
