so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
